Dissapointment.

This last week was sad. Judy died. She just went on vacation and didn't come back. I have sat next to Judy for the better part of the last five years. She taught me most of what I know about my job. She knew our processes backwardss and forwards, prompting another co worker of ours to lament her death, saying " you know what's really sad, we really could of used her here today, we're unbelieveably busy." I have to hold my toung constantly at work because of comments like that. Just ignor them. That was a fucked up thing to say, still.

Judy passed away on a wednesday on her way back to Dallas from Branson, MO. She had gone on a long planned family trip with her parents and sisters and brothers. She had been excited about it for months. On their way back through Arkansas, the driver drifted over into oncoming traffic. He and Judyr both died. When they told us at work on Thursday, they closed down our phone queue so we could all take in what had happened. They called in a grief counsuler. I went home. The whole situation had made me physically ill. At home, I cried and cried and cried until I had one of those crying headaches. My boss made me use sick time for the time I was home that day. That's just another reason I need a new job.

I miss Judy now. Every day at work is depressing. I know you are supposed to go on after mourning but it's just so surreal and unfair. I will never again see a 55 year old woman skipping around our office, or probably anywhere for that matter. I don't know anyone else who can saw and weld and build and fix like she could. And I didn't even know she had gone to flight stewardess school until her funeral. So many things I wish I could ask her and talk to her about. It's amazing how someone can become a fixture in your life like that and you don't even really realize how important they are to you until they are gone one day. Kind of makes you want to grab the people you love and make sure they know it. because you really never know when you won't be able to tell them anymore.