These are the kinds of things I am running into already.
JOB REQUIREMENTS
The ideal candidate has at least one year of customer service experience, exceptional communication skills, and is seeking an active position. We are looking for positive, upbeat individuals who can deliver extensive hospitality ("that's totally me!"). The minimum qualifications for this position are:
•Must be at least 18 years of age
•Must have a valid driver's license
•Must be able to drive a stick shift .....
Really? It's times like these I would have paid more attention to Derrick trying to teach me how to drive a stick in high school. I just laughed and starred out the window, smoking. Here is one experience that, had I experienced it any differently, could have the potential to change the course of my life. For example, I can't get this job.
Monday, March 21, 2011
More nothing.
I gave my two week resignation. I am just beginning to feel more free, less smushed by the giant hand of The Man. but, looking for jobs online today, I found that this is going to be more of a huge life challenge than a perfect quit. By showing a big middle finger to my sociopathic employer, who needed more life a sock full of nickles, I felt that I was doing the honest thing. This is not who I am, this tired, mopey girl who doesn;t even get excited about getting dressed in the morning anymore. This boring person who does no form of physical excersize because she is too emotionally worn out to care for her body properly. I always loved myself, I loved who I was even with all my neurocies, but I did not love this person.
The only honest thing to do was to let them know. I can't keep doing something indefinantly, dady by day, phone call by phone call, interaction by interaction, when I know it is poisoning me, my view of myself, my life in general.
So, here I am stuck with more of nothing. There is more of nothing here than there is in the big beuatiful Big Bend. If you type "outdoors" into they keyword box on any given job board, you will find 30 postings for valet attendants, seven for a forklift operator, a few for DirectTV installers, and at least one for a car wash manager.
Why is that? No gardeners, house painters, ranch hands or nature photographers are needed in Texas? Not in Dallas.
I found 16 beekeeper positions located everywhere but here. Farmworkers, caretakers, housesitters, needed in all major regions of Texas, except this one. I swore to myself after I left my nightmare of a job that i would never work for a bank again, ever. And I will hold true to that. Despite what some people may say about responsibility and money, I will always believe in my heart that it is far worse to suffer emotional and mental trauma than it is to have to do manual labor for less money. I would rather get paid $9 to plant and harvest cotton than have to suffer another month in a cubicle, in a stale office building, rearanging abstracts. It's completely meaningless in the grand scheme of life. I can't reconcile it.
So, after that thought process I am left with what I started with which is kind of nothing. Nothing in two ways. 1) There is nothing here for me. Not a job at a bank. Not a job in a retail clothing store or a job in an office building. I have nothing to offer Dallas. We have grown apart and I can't keep pretending that our relationship hasn't gotten stale. Dallas, in return, has little but memories to offer me. 2) I know where I am supposed to be, which is basically the middle of nowhere, where there is also Nothing, but in a different way. I have no idea what I would do there, in the middle of nowhere with nothing, but I have felt for a while now that it is where I am supposed to be headed. It's an intuition that I am constantly arguing with in my head, telling it it's irrational and that it doesn't understand how a traditional, normal life is supposed to work, but still understanding how not being there is affecting every aspect of my life. I would like to divorce Dallas. It can keep the people I used to be friends with, and the jobs I could never happily work. I get my sanity, the residual dignity of finally coming to my senses, and far more unique opportunities, the kind one could only ever find out in the vast unknown.
The only honest thing to do was to let them know. I can't keep doing something indefinantly, dady by day, phone call by phone call, interaction by interaction, when I know it is poisoning me, my view of myself, my life in general.
So, here I am stuck with more of nothing. There is more of nothing here than there is in the big beuatiful Big Bend. If you type "outdoors" into they keyword box on any given job board, you will find 30 postings for valet attendants, seven for a forklift operator, a few for DirectTV installers, and at least one for a car wash manager.
Why is that? No gardeners, house painters, ranch hands or nature photographers are needed in Texas? Not in Dallas.
I found 16 beekeeper positions located everywhere but here. Farmworkers, caretakers, housesitters, needed in all major regions of Texas, except this one. I swore to myself after I left my nightmare of a job that i would never work for a bank again, ever. And I will hold true to that. Despite what some people may say about responsibility and money, I will always believe in my heart that it is far worse to suffer emotional and mental trauma than it is to have to do manual labor for less money. I would rather get paid $9 to plant and harvest cotton than have to suffer another month in a cubicle, in a stale office building, rearanging abstracts. It's completely meaningless in the grand scheme of life. I can't reconcile it.
So, after that thought process I am left with what I started with which is kind of nothing. Nothing in two ways. 1) There is nothing here for me. Not a job at a bank. Not a job in a retail clothing store or a job in an office building. I have nothing to offer Dallas. We have grown apart and I can't keep pretending that our relationship hasn't gotten stale. Dallas, in return, has little but memories to offer me. 2) I know where I am supposed to be, which is basically the middle of nowhere, where there is also Nothing, but in a different way. I have no idea what I would do there, in the middle of nowhere with nothing, but I have felt for a while now that it is where I am supposed to be headed. It's an intuition that I am constantly arguing with in my head, telling it it's irrational and that it doesn't understand how a traditional, normal life is supposed to work, but still understanding how not being there is affecting every aspect of my life. I would like to divorce Dallas. It can keep the people I used to be friends with, and the jobs I could never happily work. I get my sanity, the residual dignity of finally coming to my senses, and far more unique opportunities, the kind one could only ever find out in the vast unknown.
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